WAITING FOR SPRING......AND SECOND CHANCES......

    Today is a beautiful day for this time of the year, but it's a very melancholy day for me.  I found these seed packets among Jane's personal writings and mail, in a box that I had put them all in, as I was rushed to clean up Jane's apartment.  I find these today, as I am sifting through all the papers now.  Violas and Pansies were always one of Jane's favorite kinds of flowers, and no matter where Jane lived, she planted them every spring.  It didn't matter if it was a lake side garden, a window sill or a wooden staircase like Jane had in the back of her home in Bayonne.  These seed packets are dated "packed for spring 2011",  and it makes me so incredibly sad, because it shows that Jane had every intention of being here in the spring to plant them.  My friend Alice was with me,  helping me, and she cried over the poignancy of this find and moment.  I will plant them on my back deck for Jane when spring arrives.  Spring has always been a time for rebirth, and second chances.  Everyone deserves  forgiveness and a second chance in life, but unfortunately not my dear sister Jane.  She was denied those second chances, even in her final days of pain and struggle, by those that she gave life to, loved and trusted.  We (my close friends),  are all so incredibly saddened over this, but I don't want to dwell on this, it will pass with time and love.
      Jane became a great gardener, in the tradition of my Mom-mom's family,  who were all farmers  way up in the boondocks of St Lawrence county.  Jane loved evening primrose, lilacs, impatiens, old fashioned roses, lemon lilies ( like the patch that grew outside of our cottage door on the lake in the Adirondacks), and wild flowers,  like black-eyed-Susan's, Queen-Anne's-lace, violets and daises.  Jane loved to grow many kinds of culinary herbs like thyme ( thyme was our grandmother from Denmark's favorite cooking herb), rosemary, many kinds of mint, sage and so on.  Jane was also a great cook as I have stated before.  I loved her seafood lasagna and "frikadelles".
        I really miss my sister Jane today.  No matter what happened over the years, we were always back together again, and reunited.  We often talked on the phone every day, even if just a quick hello, or a message, no matter where I lived, Germany, Toronto or Boston.  I miss those calls, and I miss her beautiful and warm smile.  I have joined a small grievance group, connected to the Church I attend, and it helps immensely.  I urge any one out there in my position to do the same, you deserve it, You can only heal, learn and grow as a human being, and helping others helps yourself.  I am just really in a deep sadness over Jane's death,  and the tragic last 8 months of her life, and so disappointed in those who abandoned her.  It hurts so bad to recall Jane's crying over these issues (especially when she was so ill in her hospital bed).  We all deserve another chance in life,  I am devastated that my sister Jane did not get those second chances.  Thank you for reading my words today.  Love and Light to you