Jane Ellen Fallon
A loving tribute
“Who will cry for the little Bluebird……?”
This was a short poem written by my beautiful and gentle spirited sister, who sadly lost her valiant battle with cancer on the morning of January 25, 2011. It was written several months after Jane’s initial diagnosis in the late winter of 2010, and was sadly unfinished. (I will include the poem later, as I am rushing to post this dedication now.) But, in her short life, my sister Jane accomplished many things, including being a mother to three children, taking care of our then terminally ill Mother with the patience of a saint, and overcoming the disease of alcoholism. No one rallied to my mother’s side like Jane after our mother’s diagnosis with cancer. Jane took care of everything, despite the fact that my Mother was often indifferent and detached. We both fed and changed and cared for our mother until the end. The new bond that we developed, was welded forever, after this experience with our departed Mother. Jane had a brilliant eye for interior design, antiques, decorative painting and crafting, and was a well read, self educated and beautiful young woman. Jane also had an eye for turning anything old into something new, magical, and as lovely as Jane was herself. Jane could take a rusted old hutch and turn it into a seemingly brand new center piece. My sister Jane loved painting, gardening, crafting, reading, collecting bird houses and books and all around country cottage “styling”. Jane also became a knowledgeable birder like myself, and could identify an indigo bunting or a veery at the drop of a hat.
Jane did overcome her issues with the Church, and alot of courage.. Jane spent many years working, caring for her children alone, and just living her life. Unfortunately, Jane had an accident that left her with permanent chronic physical pain, and so she needed pain killers on and off after this. They then became an ironic necessity again, with Jane's terminal cancer, and the unfathomable emotional and physical pain that it brings. Jane tried valiantly to control this, through counseling and her friends in the church, but the pain of a tragic past of verbal and physical abuse and abandonment only helped to hinder her full recovery.
Especially so, the constant verbal and physical abuse Jane endured during her violent and disastrous marriage, that was even witnessed by her shocked and horrified neighbors on her street, who often had to come to her aid. Addiction is an illness and a disease, it is not a choice or a punishment as some might try to believe. We all have our addictions, some are just "acceptable" or easily hidden. I saw Jane confront this head on with honesty, and she had many happy and long times of sobriety. No matter what happened, Jane always remained warm, loving and affectionate. I became a member of alanon in 2003, to help understand my family and Jane better, and we rebonded and reconnected immediately, no questions asked, that’s how my beautiful sister was. In all fairness to the brutal honesty of this tribute, I myself was missing from Jane’s life for several years in the late 80’s, and I am guilty and very ashamed of this. But, that was all in the past now, and it was a time of love, understanding and acceptance, that unfortunately, the rest of Jane’s “family” did not want any part of. This includes both sides of our families. Jane’s one "child” ( albeit, over 30 is not a child anymore), in particular was willful in her abandonment and mental cruelty to her Mother. Jane was not allowed to call, write or e-mail her , and was not allowed to meet her own grandchildren. (Of whom which without Jane, would not exist). This memory is not meant to condemn anyone, it is simply to tell the truth, and it must be told in Jane's defense and honour.
I am disgusted and ashamed to have to print, that the last six months of Jane’s short life, were filled with a time of little money for food, no heat and no telephone. I had been helping Jane and her youngest , as much as I could, and finally got Jane a cell phone two months before her tragic death. Everyone knew the horrendous and desperate circumstances of Jane’s predicament, but did absolutely nothing. I am living proof of that. They all sat and waited. The silence and the apathy were overwhelming to us all. There is nothing worse in this spiritual world of ours, than someone who would abandon and betray their own Mother, regardless of any circumstances, especially a dying mother suffering excruciating pain and sadness. Yet there was not one get well card, not one phone call, from this "family" for Jane . I am so grateful to the Lord, that I had the hindsight, to attend alanon, and treat Jane with only kindness and care (as it should be by any decent human being). I would have done this anyway, because I adored my sister, who was more like a Mother to me. I spent Jane’s last birthday with her on December the10th. I brought a small cake, and was happy to see that Jane had put up her little Christmas tree, despite her frailty at the time. I am grateful to the good Lord, that I visited Jane on Christmas Eve, on New Years Eve, (among many other days in between) and brought three bags of food and hope the day after the giant blizzard. I saw Jane in the hospital two days before we lost her. I had recently relocated to Westchester for work and the commute was difficult and long, but nothing would stop me from helping my sister and her son, or any human in need for that matter. I talked to Jane from work the night before her passing, we talked for hours, she was more worried about me and her youngest than herself. I promised Jane that I would be there with jello and orange juice on Wednesday after work. I said “I love you very much Jane”, she replied, “I know that, I love you very much too, I’ll see you Wednesday and we’ll talk tomorrow, I’m very tired, I have to go to sleep now”. That is the last time that I talked to my sister, and thank God, it was warm and loving. My sister knew that I loved her unconditionally, and that I was always there for her, and she was always there for me. I have no regrets in my time, love and care of my beautiful and kind sister Jane. I am inconsolable over her death, and have been lucky to have my many long time friends who have comforted me, including several that had met and loved Jane. Jane had some beacons of light, her friend Paul had given Jane and her youngest an enormous amount of help, and her self appointed “soul-sister” and loved friend from high school Ginny, gave Jane calls filled with only kind words and love, including a long letter from Ginny’s mother, that Jane kept in a bible by her bed. Jane also had many true friends in Bayonne, besides the many nurses and clergy that grew to love her.
My sisters other "family” now want to have a service for Jane, and I am completely against it. It is an insult to my sister and her memory, to have the people who abandoned her, (treated her cruelly, discarded her when she was terminally ill and bad mouthed her to everyone that would listen), all sulking there in shrouded falseness and hypocrisy. I am against this travesty of a service, for many reasons, including the very important reason and fact that Jane’s only final request and wish (as told to her youngest and myself repeatedly by Jane), were to be carried out by myself. I will respect Jane’s true and only final wish, and her ashes will be spread over the bay of the lake where we spent our childhood summers in the Adirondacks.
No matter what happened, Jane always had me, and I am humble and grateful that I could be a part of her life, and help her through that terrible time of illness and tragedy. I have grown immensely as a human being through my care and love of my sister, and I will gladly and proudly continue my volunteer work with the elderly and the needy. I will be including many pictures of Jane over the years, particularly from my many visits to her in Bayonne over the happy and healthy years, and also from the time of her struggle with her fatal illness, later on.
Jane did overcome her issues with the Church, and alot of courage.. Jane spent many years working, caring for her children alone, and just living her life. Unfortunately, Jane had an accident that left her with permanent chronic physical pain, and so she needed pain killers on and off after this. They then became an ironic necessity again, with Jane's terminal cancer, and the unfathomable emotional and physical pain that it brings. Jane tried valiantly to control this, through counseling and her friends in the church, but the pain of a tragic past of verbal and physical abuse and abandonment only helped to hinder her full recovery.
Especially so, the constant verbal and physical abuse Jane endured during her violent and disastrous marriage, that was even witnessed by her shocked and horrified neighbors on her street, who often had to come to her aid. Addiction is an illness and a disease, it is not a choice or a punishment as some might try to believe. We all have our addictions, some are just "acceptable" or easily hidden. I saw Jane confront this head on with honesty, and she had many happy and long times of sobriety. No matter what happened, Jane always remained warm, loving and affectionate. I became a member of alanon in 2003, to help understand my family and Jane better, and we rebonded and reconnected immediately, no questions asked, that’s how my beautiful sister was. In all fairness to the brutal honesty of this tribute, I myself was missing from Jane’s life for several years in the late 80’s, and I am guilty and very ashamed of this. But, that was all in the past now, and it was a time of love, understanding and acceptance, that unfortunately, the rest of Jane’s “family” did not want any part of. This includes both sides of our families. Jane’s one "child” ( albeit, over 30 is not a child anymore), in particular was willful in her abandonment and mental cruelty to her Mother. Jane was not allowed to call, write or e-mail her , and was not allowed to meet her own grandchildren. (Of whom which without Jane, would not exist). This memory is not meant to condemn anyone, it is simply to tell the truth, and it must be told in Jane's defense and honour.
I am disgusted and ashamed to have to print, that the last six months of Jane’s short life, were filled with a time of little money for food, no heat and no telephone. I had been helping Jane and her youngest , as much as I could, and finally got Jane a cell phone two months before her tragic death. Everyone knew the horrendous and desperate circumstances of Jane’s predicament, but did absolutely nothing. I am living proof of that. They all sat and waited. The silence and the apathy were overwhelming to us all. There is nothing worse in this spiritual world of ours, than someone who would abandon and betray their own Mother, regardless of any circumstances, especially a dying mother suffering excruciating pain and sadness. Yet there was not one get well card, not one phone call, from this "family" for Jane . I am so grateful to the Lord, that I had the hindsight, to attend alanon, and treat Jane with only kindness and care (as it should be by any decent human being). I would have done this anyway, because I adored my sister, who was more like a Mother to me. I spent Jane’s last birthday with her on December the10th. I brought a small cake, and was happy to see that Jane had put up her little Christmas tree, despite her frailty at the time. I am grateful to the good Lord, that I visited Jane on Christmas Eve, on New Years Eve, (among many other days in between) and brought three bags of food and hope the day after the giant blizzard. I saw Jane in the hospital two days before we lost her. I had recently relocated to Westchester for work and the commute was difficult and long, but nothing would stop me from helping my sister and her son, or any human in need for that matter. I talked to Jane from work the night before her passing, we talked for hours, she was more worried about me and her youngest than herself. I promised Jane that I would be there with jello and orange juice on Wednesday after work. I said “I love you very much Jane”, she replied, “I know that, I love you very much too, I’ll see you Wednesday and we’ll talk tomorrow, I’m very tired, I have to go to sleep now”. That is the last time that I talked to my sister, and thank God, it was warm and loving. My sister knew that I loved her unconditionally, and that I was always there for her, and she was always there for me. I have no regrets in my time, love and care of my beautiful and kind sister Jane. I am inconsolable over her death, and have been lucky to have my many long time friends who have comforted me, including several that had met and loved Jane. Jane had some beacons of light, her friend Paul had given Jane and her youngest an enormous amount of help, and her self appointed “soul-sister” and loved friend from high school Ginny, gave Jane calls filled with only kind words and love, including a long letter from Ginny’s mother, that Jane kept in a bible by her bed. Jane also had many true friends in Bayonne, besides the many nurses and clergy that grew to love her.
My sisters other "family” now want to have a service for Jane, and I am completely against it. It is an insult to my sister and her memory, to have the people who abandoned her, (treated her cruelly, discarded her when she was terminally ill and bad mouthed her to everyone that would listen), all sulking there in shrouded falseness and hypocrisy. I am against this travesty of a service, for many reasons, including the very important reason and fact that Jane’s only final request and wish (as told to her youngest and myself repeatedly by Jane), were to be carried out by myself. I will respect Jane’s true and only final wish, and her ashes will be spread over the bay of the lake where we spent our childhood summers in the Adirondacks.
No matter what happened, Jane always had me, and I am humble and grateful that I could be a part of her life, and help her through that terrible time of illness and tragedy. I have grown immensely as a human being through my care and love of my sister, and I will gladly and proudly continue my volunteer work with the elderly and the needy. I will be including many pictures of Jane over the years, particularly from my many visits to her in Bayonne over the happy and healthy years, and also from the time of her struggle with her fatal illness, later on.
In the end her youngest and I both understood that Jane’s cancer was terminal, but we also knew the real and sad truth, that our Jane died of a broken heart.
Thank you for reading my tribute to my sister Jane. It is always hard to face the truth, but the truth must be told, and the real truth can only be told by the two people who were the only part of Jane’s final years, months and days, her youngest, and her brother Michael, myself. Please let Jane finally rest in peace with the same dignity and respect that anyone deserves. Love and Light to you.
