Dear Jane......
I really miss my sister Jane today (actually I do everyday), but even more so on this beautiful spring like morning. It is true what people say. When you lose a loved one, especially a parent, sibling or a child, nothing is ever the same again. The sun doesn't shine as bright, the stars seem a little less magic, and even moments of happiness are "over-shadowed" by a deep sadness somewhere in your heart.
I woke up at 6am for work as usual, went to open my bedroom curtains as usual, and found a bittersweet surprise. The viola seeds that Jane had bought, have started to emerge from the flower tray I planted them in several weeks ago. I had talked about these seed packets that Jane had bought for the upcoming spring in a previous post. I saved as many of Jane's personal and favorite things that I could, and I will replant these violas in Jane's two favorite ceramic flower pots that I kept. I will put them outside on my deck in the sun when the weather is warm enough, just like my sister Jane would do.
I found some beautifully framed botanicals of various flowers, leaves and herbs that I collected for Jane. We dried them in large books, and then framed them together. I will show photos of some of them later. My favorite is of a Queen-Anne's-Lace flower head that almost looks like a mini "cosmos". I picked this large blossom on July 1, 2010, to commemorate our Mother Lois's passing. Jane was in the hospital that week, in the Jersey City R.C. I visited every other day that week. I was with our Mother Lois the day she passed. At first I was devastated at the time, but now I realize how lucky I was, to be with my Mother, and to love her and comfort her in her final ( though unconscious) moments. But, our Mother knew that I was there, she knew that she was not alone, and I am more proud and more grateful for that than anything else in my life. I want to add something important to this. Jane and I had many issues and problems with our Mother, who was a free spirit who was often "missing". Our Mother often wanted things on her terms, and nothing else mattered at times. Despite all of this, it never crossed my mind for one minute, to tell my Mother that I wouldn't help her when she needed me, not one second . I was there for her no questions asked, because I loved my Mother very much. Am I patting myself on the back for this?.... No way. I only did what any decent child or sibling would do for their parent, brother or sister. Not abandon them like an animal, who gets left on the street. I saw Jane, and talked for hours with her the day before we lost her, and it was all loving and caring. More importantly Jane was not alone. Jane a knew that I would be there the next day after work, and she knew that I loved her unconditionally, as it should be in a family. I hold on to that, it helps me in this dark time of loss and grief. Love and Light to you
Dear Jane......You are deeply and eternally missed......I love you very much......your brother Michael
