I have decided as of late last night, that this will hopefully be the one of the last entries, in which I will ever mention Jane's other two children, or other family members, that all made a solid and now permanent decision not only not to help Jane, but to abandon her, and be "spiritual cowards", ever again in this tribute. I do not want this memory of Jane to be bitter, so from this day on it will only be about Jane and those who loved her until the end. If anyone can learn something from this tribute to my sister, it will be that when someone is terminally ill and dying, you need to band together, forget about yourself , and offer the person forgiveness, ask for forgiveness, offer them some type of reconciliation and send them off with love. It is all about humanity and love. It is all about the dying person, it is not about you.
Nothing that Jane ever did in her life, could be deserving of the narcissistic, self-entitled and hypocritical arrogance "displayed" by these "relatives', while her youngest son and I were caring for Jane, it was shocking and inhumane. Jane never received one letter or card or phone call from her two other children, the last seven and four months respectively. Jane's other "children", and our other "family", all chose to do nothing for Jane , even in her final dying days.
What is done can not be undone. I truly believe, with all of my heart, that no matter what these individuals may accomplish or acquire in their lives, they can never erase or undo the unfathomable cruel and inhumane wrong that they did to Jane. They only offered disgraceful and selfish behavior. They are all just cheap, very cheap individuals in every possible sense of the word. I don't know how they sleep at night, or look at themselves in the mirror. But now, I am truly done with them, I have already moved on, and will try to never mention them again after this moment, because they do not deserve it. My pastor has told me that I must pity and prayer for these individuals, but this is not about them now, nor will it ever be.
THROWING AWAY THE PAST...... AND FREEDOM......
I sit here tonight, the day after the last time that I could enter Jane's home to clean and close it up. I recall the night that I slept in that apartment alone, I was tired and only had 3 days off from work to finish everything before the apartment was taken back by the owner. It was snowing and getting late, and as I was getting ready to leave I found something that made me feel sick to my stomach. It was a huge hat box filled with pictures of Jane's other "children" and her life during her abusive and disastrous marriage. I sat looking at those faces, and thought, how could Jane keep these after the inhumane treatment she received from these individuals? I felt nauseous, but also very liberated. I started to throw them all away, into the garbage, where they belonged. They were nothing to me anymore, just wreckage of the past, to be tossed away. It was a defining moment for me, all of my obligations to my sister were now over, and I was free.( not free from my sister or her memory....Never...I mean free from her "family" who abandoned her) It was very symbolic for me to do this. I didn't wait until the morning, I threw all of these pictures and letters into a trash bag and took it immediately down to the street, and dumped them all into a garbage bin. It was unbelievably "freeing" for me. I slept peacefully that night, although I was still so sad over losing Jane. I knew then, that I had to be strong and be tough, and walk away from everything. I woke up the next day, still crushed by my sister Jane's death, but determined to start my new life, taking my good memories of my sister Jane and our love for each other with me, and nothing else. I am leaving everything and everyone else behind me for good.
I want to thank you for reading my words today. Love and Light to you.
